Managing after loss

This week was going to be bumblebee butt or fly’s eyes. (Future blog post) Real-life stepped in the way. Another young person has been taken from this world. I have met many beautiful charismatic souls in my journey. Some leave artwork in your heart.

How do you say so long my friend?

  • Write a letter, to them, their family or just a letter that is only for you. (If your emotional or holding negative feelings, it is ok to write that to yourself)
  • Find a song that reminds you of them or one you loved together
  • Put up a reminder or memorial (Creating a scrapbook or memory book)
  • Post on their social media if it is still up.

If you’ve had to face grief head-on you may know grieving has many emotions. Learning about grief can ease your passing through the dark path. We have had friends, loved ones and people in the community’s lives cut short due to suicide, drug-related, sudden accident, violence, terminal illness and old age. No matter what ended a human’s life we need to help each other and learn ways to cope with each of our losses. Takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to deal with the loss of someone.

As children, we are dependent on our parents, and as aging adults at the end of our lives we are often dependent on our children. Conversely, the chapter between those two phases is characterized by independence. And yet adulthood is actually the time in our lives when we experience the most hardship, the most intellectual challenges, the most loss, and the most mental anguish.
For a large majority of us, we were never prepared to deal with these situations. No one teaches us how to go through divorce, handle depression, support a family member through addiction, bury our parents or worse, a child and keep on living through the grief.
During adulthood we need our “village” more than ever, and yet it’s drilled into us that we must bootstrap our way through life, going it alone. Many of us find our people, our village through work. (I used this from below link, the words summed up my feelings.)
https://anglefullofgrace.com/2018/02/07/it-takes-a-village-to-raise-an-adult/

The brain and body go through so much when we are dealing with grief. We release stress hormones into the bloodstream. The hormones can be there for a long time, many months can pass when our hearts are broken. This is a time to be mindful of your own health and wellness. Things that might give you clues into your own coping and well-being: are you getting headaches (or more headaches) gut changes (diarrhea, nausea) energy levels, sleeping changes, weight changes and mood are so important when you are feeling grief, anxiety or sadness. If you are struggling with any long term stress, please get help. You might need to talk to your doctor or a therapist. This kind of pain is often hidden from the world, it is ok to not be ok. Being a quiet martyr might not benefit your long term health and healing. When a Loved One is Dying: The Unspoken Emotions & Impact

Please have water, light snacks every 4 hours, light exercise like a walk or stretching, resting, watching funny shows, you might think oh I’m too sad to watch anything that makes you laugh ( laughter is medicine) Laughing even smiling starts to change the sad chemicals in the brain. 

What can you say to someone that had a sudden tragedy? 

  • I care about you
  • I’m sorry this is hard
  • I hope you find peace
  • May the day have some light
  • Can I make you tea or a meal (with the pandemic you can offer to drop off or have a meal/tea sent to them)
  • Are you able to do something kind for yourself.

What makes some of us shut down?

  • Coping mechanism
  • Defense mechanisms
  • Fears
  • Anxiety
  • To much thinking. Our heart and brain become overwhelmed.
  • Not having or knowing the words to say.

Sometimes we just need something to hold on to a memorial. Sometimes we don’t have a picture or an item. Perhaps you could make your own special thing to remember the living.. Planting a plant or making art. Write them a letter. Maybe set a day and feed something or someone. In our wedding ceremony, we had photos of the people we had lost. I really have a value of honoring the people that are not with us still. Not everyone shares my openness of talking about death, I believe death is part of life. The western cultures around dealing with death are sad. Death is sad, loss of any kind is not something we enjoy. 

A friend of mine writes notes, attaches them on balloons and let’s go, remember the loved ones that have left. I type or write notes to the ones that touched my heart. Please live life like you are a value! You might not know it, someone might be here because of your smile.

Photo by Snapwire from Pexels

lady with candles Photo by Erik Mclean from Pexels

1 thought on “Managing after loss”

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